so, shanghai was quite a while ago, but this story is worth writing about. i spent 2 days in shanghai and first of all let me just say that it was hella polluted. you could hardly see the skyline even in the middle of the city. the streets were clean, but the air was dense with smog. also it was hot as balls. but other than those 2 things it was very pretty and actually kind of reminded me of NYC.
all i did was just walk around and try to eat as much chinese food as i could since i was in china and all. however, i really didn’t like the chinese food, it didn’t have that kick that americanized chinese has. i was very disappointed. on the second night i was bored and walking back to my hotel and trying to figure out how i could entertain myself that night since there is only chinese gov’t sponsored television (thus no english). so i decided that i would actually talk to one of the millions of people trying to sell me rolexes and Gucci bags and shoes. because i figured where there was one illegal item, there might be another, DVDs. so when this one light in the loafers looking dude came up to offer me a watch, i asked about dvds. his english was pretty broken, but his eyes lit up and he says, “follow me!” he breaks into a power walk away from the main tourist and bright light area into the back alleys. there i am following him. he walked me at least 10 blocks away from any other white person. we walked thru all these random doors that cut thru the middle of the blocks, the doors opened up to all kinds of things… restaurant kitchens, shady hotels, a room full of shirtless old chinese men smoking, it was pretty weird. finally we arrive at an apartment building, we start to walk in and there’s trash all around the door, which was basically a busted garage door, as we walk in we see what i think was the super and he gave me the usual, what the fuck is a whitey doing here-look but we walk up the stairs like 2 flights and everything just looks awful and i’m wondering if i’m being taken hostage… but then this guy knocks on a door, and the guy inside yells something, my guide yells something back, the door opens just a crack, until the guy sees a white face and he becomes a welcoming salesman. he then opens the inner door and from this crack house of a building i see what looked exactly like a high end jewelry/handbag store in america. it was very well lit, there were wood floors, everything was very neatly organized. it was amazing…. the power of the black market. anyway, their selection of DVDs was crap, so i got my guide to take me out of there… we wind up in 3 different places, because i was looking specifically for the Da Vinci code. after the third place as we’re walking down the street, my guide tells me i am a beautiful man. i’m thinking “yeah, thanks but you’ve got 1 too many penises for me.” but that’s not where he was going… he starts asking if i want a woman, and i say no… dvds only. so he says, ok one more place.
so we walk into this club/bar looking place, but after all the places i’ve seen so far i’m thinking it’s all cool. but just to be sure, i say DVDs, right? he says, “maybe you want girl?” and i look around the corner into the bar and see 12 hot ass girls lined up in matching black dresses. i’ve been in asia long enough to know that this meant i was in a hostess bar, which can be a very mild escort type place where the girls just hang out with you, but on the other hand it could be an all out whore house. not what TJ wanted. but the girls see me and swarm, and say i should have 1 drink. i ask for a menu because my broke ass did not want to spend any real money. i sit down and they all line up so i can pick one out to sit with me. so i do, but 2 sit down with me. they start touching me and shit… but nothing too crazy, although they start telling me that i should pay for a room, that was my first clue that this place was hella shady. anyway, then they ask if i’ll buy them a drink, ok, why not… so they start hammering shots of whiskey. the next thing i know there is food and like 10 empty glasses on the table, so i cut them off from any more spening. at this point i’ve been in there maybe for 20 minutes… and i’m just talking to them about china and what they think about the rest of the world… and what it’s like to be a hooker. you know, the normal conversation i have with hookers… so when i say that i want to leave, they start asking where my hotel is because they want to come back with me…. woah now, there is no way i’m letting you in my hotel room. but the bill comes and it’s like $250. i go ape shit and start complaining. so first one girl gets up and a guy sits next to me, he lets me take 25 off of the bill, but is pretty firm, so after 5 minutes the other girl gets up and a big guy sits on the other side of me, i’m in a big booth by the way and now i’m trapped between these dudes… this is the point where i start to think maybe this is a chinese triad establishment… oh shit! so i still fight with them for a while, and they back it down to like $150, although who knows because i was having hella trouble with the conversion under that stress. so i pay, and the guy brings me a beer “for free” yeah thanks a lot asshole. as i’m walking out with my beer the girl tells me that she can come with me, as in, that’s why it was so expensive, yeah, i don’t remember seeing whores on the menu, i just wanted to see what the whole hostess bar thing was like, not the whore thing, thanks. 2 minutes after i get out of there, i’m walking down the street and there are all these people out in the street sitting on lawn furniture because there’s no AC and it’s as hot and humid as naples, and one guy looks at me and sees the beer in my hand, and asks, “how much you pay?” aparently i’m not the first white guy to make that walk of shame.
